Coach Lee possibly provides this solution. He used to text you throughout the day , but now you might not hear from him for a day or two.
When you text him, his responses are taking longer and longer. Certainly taking longer than they used to. You can feel it; he is pulling away. The answer is not to improve or increase your "communication," but to let your man go instead.
Though there will be time for such discussion, the goal here is to re-attract him to where he is reaching out and pursuing you as he was before. So it's vital to approach the situation with space in mind instead of trying to determine a reason or problem.
The solution is what is most important, and that is to increase your attraction so that he draws to you. For this to happen, you need to leave him alone and give him space.
The reason he might pull further away is that a part of him, emotionally speaking, needs to re-calibrate. And if he is subconsciously reacting by moving away from you, you interrupt the process by forcing interaction. While you moving toward him might feel good in that you hear his voice or feel his presence even if it's just in a text, it doesn't restore his pursuit of you. I'm addressing this issue more in the context of a dating relationship.
For a marriage relationship, it's more difficult to give the space and silence in the way that I'm describing, but is still necessary. For marriage, it would be more about "not" demanding conversation or "relationship talk" when he seems distant.
This may also involve not following through with the plans- as simple as when he promises to call back or cancelling dates. But the funniest part is our gut can sense and smell this avoidance. We know, we understand and yet we choose to ignore these red flags under the fantasy of potential that it could be. And we continue to play this game just to avoid heartbreak or repetition of one more failed relationship.
We keep on giving our best to the dead-end relationships until we are depleted. The underlying reason for this behaviour is unhealed trauma, abandonment issues, insecurities and past fears that are born out of lack of self-worth and self-love.
I must admit, that I too have been in that place. And men can smell this easily even before we realize it. Now it would be interesting to know why men pull away. There can be many reasons while I have listed a few which are most commonly observed in the dating world. He is scared of admitting his feelings- This is one beautiful relationship you would have ever been in and everything seemed perfect.
You both feel the connection and as you grow together, he realizes that he is with someone who loves him unconditionally unlike his earlier partners. But now comes the twist, as he starts to get more aware of his feelings. He gets the fear of the unknown; fear of the potential of what this relationship could be. And even when he is in love; he pulls away as he is afraid. The idea of a relationship is appealing to them but the feeling that comes along with it are harder for them to digest.
Men prefer being in control of their life and with the women around, they fear that they might lose their independence, hobbies, friends, routine, freedom etc. They feel life may not stay the same and that they might lose their identity; and everything that makes him.. And hence the pulling away.
He feels Insignificant- There are times when women are equally at fault; especially when we make a man feel insignificant. Men live by pride and they would always want their women to appreciate and respect them in every situation. There are women who invest in men but just enough. They are either closed off or act hard to get. They play games and take men for granted rather than being clear and transparent about their fears and expectations.
And the idea of being in a connection where he is always second-guessing your feelings makes him lose interest in you. No matter how independent and successful women are; a man still wants to feel important and needed in her life; also called hero instinct.
So the best way is to be yourself. When women present themselves on a platter — I cannot express how many times I have committed this blunder with some amazing men. In a relationship, women catch up feelings way before men.
And then women try harder to present all the wonderful aspects of her to him; for him to see her worth. This is a sign of a lack of self-worth. No matter how progressive men are; men still carry their primitive instinct to chase and hunt. So if there is no thrill for him, then it kills him. Men love to see their women as a prize that they have worked for and earned. They need to feel that they worked enough to woo the woman in his life. He is just not that into you- This is painful as hell; when women keep on giving into a relationship that is nothing more than a dead-end.
It depletes her energy. This kind of connections starts with butterflies fluttering and shotguns in the air just within few weeks of the relationship. But now as the honeymoon phase gets over, he realizes that your connection went zero to sixty in a short span and now he is back paddling without saying a word, hoping that you will get the message.
Not sure what to do. Men are confusing to women. Can you give any insight into this? Maybe he still has feelings for her but he says he absolutely does not have feelings for her.
That she reaches out to him, he never initiates the contact. Another great article that I needed today. My ex partner 2. We were about to buy a house together and I pushed for more Commitment too frequently. I think he ended as he felt things were spiralling out of his control and backed into a circle.
I still want us and now appreciate how I was acting. I want nothing more than him to see that in due course and we correct that, slow to his pace. Do you think there is a way to correct this, if and a big if as not spoken we can recognise this and both agree to try? Or if they leave based on 2 is the door always going to be closed? Lauren xx. This is what I live for; I just want to give everything that I wish I had.
Glad that the posts have helped and cannot WAIT for you to read my book! It is humanely impossible for me to advise here in the comments thank you for your understanding and your kindness and tackle these questions without knowing more details. I will try to write more about this soon you are not alone in these feelings and circumstances and my one-on-one coaching will open back up soon. My situation applies to 1. I was with him for 10 months. He helped me through my divorce and we did the real life thing with my kids for 10 months, and even longer than that because he was my friend for years before that!
Apparently he was in a secret relationship with a woman almost 20 years older than him for 5 years. He also dated another woman our age for about a year. So infidelity right there even though his M. Anyway, he was with this older woman secretly and he and I kissed one night. The 10 months were amazing. He was there for me and my boys. But my friends say that anyone can act for a couple of hours or a day or two. As we started to get more serious, I guess he started talking to the older woman.
And he made a secret trip to go see her to get face to face closure. During that time he decided he loves her and wants to be with her! We broke up on a Tuesday and he had her in town to meet his parents that weekend.
I cannot make sense of this. We are 38 and she is And I had no idea about her when we kissed. But then I guess he realized while he was with me that he was still hung up on her?? Thank you so much for this insight.
Or do I simply reciprocate the energy I am receiving by also pulling away? It is humanely impossible for me to advise in the comments thank you so much for your kindness and understanding ; I would need to know many more details. Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.
Post comment. Skip to content. By continuing to act from a place of: Fear Insecurity Anger Frustration Desperation It was impossible for me to have any kind of care for my mental health. These instances above are not what I am referring to in this post. This post is about figuring out why men pull away when you both have a great, seemingly healthy, and progressively serious thing going. His energy has shifted for no reason at all and you start to panic. Why does this happen? Why do men pull away when things are going great and just starting to get serious?
Read this slowly and remember it. Write it down if you need to… Nothing ignites obsession, self-sabotage, and self-blame more than getting rejected when your self-esteem is nonexistent. You become obsessed with getting answers. How can this be happening? Here are the two main reasons why men pull away when everything seems to be going well… 1. I was also, extremely selfish.
Another reason why men pull away: control. Related Posts. Natasha, As always you have a way of writing what most of us cannot put into words. Hi Christine! You are amazing I loved this. One of the best articles I read this year.
Thank you. This is a great post and topic Natasha. Brandon, My dear friend, I love you and every one of your comments. Thanks for being you. Thank you for shedding light on this for me. It helps me so much! If you know your partner is pulling away because they're going through a challenging time personally, show some compassion. Take the time to make a genuine gesture of love and see how it is received. Heidi McBain, MA , licensed marriage and family therapist. Rachel Wright , licensed marriage and family therapist.
Anita A. Carla Marie Manly , clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of upcoming book, Date Smart. By Kristine Fellizar. Updated: June 22, Originally Published: April 24,
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